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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Manda's Musings: (short) Ramblings on about Passion

I am an overly passionate person, if such a thing exists. I have a lot of love to give to anything and everything I can get my hands on, and the same goes for people. I don't typically give 10% to things, unless I am scared to give more due to fear of failure or lack of perfection.

Having this passion I tend to want to be excellent at everything. I put my all into one basket and then when that doesn't work out for me I get confused as to why I am so exhausted and have so little to show for it.

I think my longest running passion, other than living and loving, is music. Since I can remember I have loved to sing... I HAVE ADORED it... I remember the day I decided I was not going to be in choir anymore, that it was time to focus my energies on my newer passion and future career of interpreting. I am glad I focused so much on it because it takes a lot of work, and school wasn't easy, but since then my passion for music has been waiting on the back burner starting to boil, unbeknownst to me.

Along with music my second longest running passion is writing. I absolutely love to express myself with words, and throughout the years I found a way to say things eloquently. I have often been complimented on the way I am able to present something via the written word, although I am not aspiring at all to be a writer (too many of my friends are and I encourage and support ALL of you, it's just not for me) I do adore putting the pen to a pad or journal and getting my thoughts out there. Many of my connections with the universe and my own experiences have come fluidly through this medium and I feel like I have left it burning too, a lot like my music.

Interpreting is amazing. I am so grateful it found me and I was lead to such a beautiful and rewarding career. I feel that every day not only am I providing a customer service to a variety of people, but I am also helping myself improve as a person by learning all the magnificent things I get to see and hear on my calls. My skills develop constantly and my appreciation for the work and my colleagues is unending. I am so grateful to have found a career that speaks to me so clearly, and that I can be passionate about without having to dedicate every waking minute to it.

My newest passion is helping aspiring interpreters and the interpreting community around me. I haven't really figured out where to go to start with it, but I promise I won't leave it set, I will be sure to be there for the incoming interpreters as well as my colleagues, to provide at least a smile and a hug when needed.

I could go on with the things I am passionate about. Family, friends, love, health, music, writing, art, colors, flowers, animals, travel, culture, theater, reading, cooking, teaching, learning, etc etc... They are unending really. The thing is ... I feel like I am coming to a time in my life where things aren't temporary anymore...

For the last 10 years of my life every address I have lived at has had an expiration date from day one. Even before that I always knew as a kid it was just a matter of time before my parents would move. I love moving, I love change, but I feel like the winds of change are dying down in my life. I feel like it is time to get serious again. I feel like it is time to pull those passions off the back burner and hope they still taste good.

As far as my writing is concerned, I have always kind of considered my blogging "good enough" ... I haven't dropped a line of poetry in well over 6 months and most of my blogging is fairly superficial. As much as you all love me and care for my life and well being, you are kind people and would appreciate anything I write. I just am not sure that what I am writing here is fulfilling the desires I have as a writer... Something I would like to think about/work on.

Music is incredible and I still am head over heals in love with it. I hear a song and get it stuck in my head and spend days re writing it and singing it in different ways... I miss singing. I have let myself really decline in regards to my music. I don't feel as confident even with Karaoke, even with some of the nice things people have said. It was hard to go from being one of the top singers in my choir to being in a college of musicians. They always warn you of that. I took a 9 month hiatus from music at all after that, I couldn't hardly stand to hear music, luckily that ended. Then I auditioned for a choir in my new college and when I didn't make it in the one I had expected, I chose to call it a sign that I needed to focus on interpreting.

The other day I was spending time with a girl friend of mine. She and I were in choir together all through high school and part of college. She is about to leave for India to go teach music and it is her whole life. I am glad it is not my whole life, but I have to admit when she said "Lady, why the heck aren't you in any choirs?" I felt a ping in my heart. I miss it. I miss using my voice to soothe my soul. I miss contorting my instrument to create new and different sounds and I miss harmonizing. I miss getting really close to the note of my peer where it is verging on uncomfortable but makes a sound like melting butter... I MISS THAT. I need a choir.

Lastly, I suppose... since this was supposed to be a short post and all, is my passion for health. This is my newest passion. It is still relatively green and something I am terrified of failing at. Not just because I know I have NO prior knowledge or experience in healthy nutrition and exercise (I literally looked for ways to get out of gym class people), but also because if I fail it is on me. If I choose to not get serious about this passion and give it my all, then I am the one who suffers (And my children and family). Health is SO IMPORTANT! I only have one life, I only have one body, I must ask myself daily what can I do that is best for my future and my body?

I love the primal and paleo ways of eating. I connect with them obviously. I love some of the more recent posts about embracing the concept of the way of eating and even the lifestyle but not becoming an elitist... As you well know I have a thing about elitists... Cliques and groups haven't always been good to me, so I choose to avoid them. The other thing, in regards to health, that I got passionate about was CrossFit. I loved how I felt when I would lift even just the 35lb bar over my head or push through a 500m row... just because it is something I haven't done before. My fear of failure is keeping me from going back. My fear of not measuring up, not doing things perfectly, and being a disappointment to myself and others is keeping me on the couch instead of in the box. This is something else I want to change. I dont' blame myself or beat myself up for this, I know it is just a character defect of mine, but this is a new passion and I have to realize that I am not going to be GREAT at everything off the bat. I need to value the skills I have.

So, in true 'Manda fashion, I have taken a supposed to be short posed and turned it into a properly long one. But that is who I am, that is who you love... And for some of you-that is what you love about me. I love that about me... I find it endearing that I can find plenty of words for several various subjects. I just hope I am not one to ramble too often on things I know nothing about.

If you have made it this far, thanks for reading. Either way this post was good therapy for me.

Have a beautiful and blessed day,

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