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Thursday, May 3, 2012

'Manda's Musings-15 things to give up for supreme happiness

Hello readers! I hope I didn't lose all of you in my long long long long time away. I have had quite the March and April. I am still struggling to feel happy with the loss of a cousin recently.  He wasn't a part of my EVERY day life, but he was a part of my heart, and it never gets easier, losing a cousin who is more like a brother in this way. I am sorry he is gone.

A good friend of mine sent me a link to this website... and I really want to spend some time looking at what it has to say. Fair warning... this will be a long post. But if you stick with me, you might learn something. <3

"Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

I think this is something I hate to admit about myself. I do want to be right. I strive to be the best at absolutely everything I can be, and I don't know where else to go but there. I have been taught through and through to put my best effort into everything, and when that is met with error or failure I get down on myself, and sometimes others. Especially when it comes to my wanting to be right about my future and my life... I think I need to embrace the fact that sometimes it is okay to be wrong. 

 Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

This one is a toughy too. I like to think I am in control of everything-including the future. I am trying, very hard, to relinquish my false sense of control to my HP and allow them to do what they do best, the impossible.

3. Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

Until this very moment I didn't feel like I could connect with this one, while I was typing "I don't really connect with this one" I realized that I do. I have blamed people for a lot of things.  I have blamed my father for most of the things that have gone wrong in my life. I have blamed South Dakota for my unhappiness... It goes on. All I can do is ask for guidance in my journey and pray that I find peace, without judgement or blame. For those who I have blamed: I can try, my best, to make amends.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk. Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

 Oh dear... This is one I would fail at.  Ben has been trying to program me to erase the bad words and replace them with good ones. Whenever he hears me self-defeat he makes me repeat positive things about myself. This has been very helpful because I am coming up with nicer things to say about myself. I came to him with an idea to send love to EVERYONE even people who bother us and or bad drivers etc. He said "That's fine but that means you have to send love to yourself too, can you handle that?"... Does the boy know me or does he know me!? 

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

I seem to have beliefs that actually stretch TOO far. I don't usually let things limit my beliefs unless it is my beliefs about myself (most of the time). This is one I don't really feel relates to me that much. 
6. Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

I would like to think that I don't complain. But, like most people, when I truly take time to listen to the words coming out of my mouth and the thoughts flowing freely in my head, more often than not they are complaints about things I have little to no control over. I have recently been trying to replace these negative thoughts with something more functional and positive... because a complaint fixes nothing but your attitude into a semi-negative state.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

This could have the exact same response as the complaints. Complaints and criticisms go hand in hand for me and they should be eliminated from my frame of thought-they do nothing good for the world.

8. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

Oh jeeze... I literally need to take time and put it into this one. I can't figure out... how to not care about impressing others.

I really care so much about what other people think. More so I care that I am hurting them or making them uncomfortable in some way... I don't want that at all.

9. Give up your resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

Change is good. Sometimes too much change is bad. Instead of a resistance to change I have a dependency on it... I would like to give up on my dependency to change--let life happen as it should.

10. Give up labels. Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

I have gone to workshops for this! :) LOL I am pretty decent at not using labels, at least not excessively. This is one that goes to the bottom of my list, just because it doesn't take much effort from me.

11. Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt

Step 6 and 7 are there for this one. Fear is one of my character defects, hell this whole list is. I just mostly have a fear of the unknown... and a fear of being alone. Fear is just an illusion... I created it... I am confident in my life and my HP to take care of me.

12. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

DAMN IT! This post is taking everything I have! ;) I am grateful today to not make as many excuses as I have in the past! :) I am doing really well at not making excuses-or so I think. At least, at the very very least, I am no longer lying... that is an adequate start, If you ask me.

13. Give up the past. I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

Past, I have moved on. Mostly. Some things that happened I hold on to but for the most part, I have spent so much time living in the future that I have not had much time to spend with the past.

14. Give up attachment. This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

YUCK! How hard is this!? At least for me it is hard... Detach myself from ALL THINGS?! Wowsa... I hope that I am capable of doing this at some point... It just seems so daunting right now.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations. Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

If there is one thing on this entire list that I need to do, and that I have worked on in the last 4 days since receiving this link... it is this one.

This is not your life. It is mine. As a matter of fact, it is not even my life to control, just my life to live and appreciate. I have made decisions that you would not have made. I have said and done things that you would not have said and done. I am sorry for that, but it is not your decision. It is my life to live, my decisions and mistakes to make, and my love that should remind you that nothing I have done has been in a personal vendetta against you. It is merely what I felt I needed to do.

So that's that. those are 15 things I am striving to give up for happiness.

 I hope you all have a pleasant and beautiful weekend.



  1. 2 of those just don't sit 100% ok with me.
    Labels are helpful. If you don't label where forks and spoons go in your kitchen (maybe not physically but mentally label their home) your going to spend so much time trying to find spoons and forks.
    I know that's really silly but, people, places things and jobs are necessary to label to a point. Label friends versus follies. label love versus demise. having labels makes life more organized. There can be many labels on one thing too. Like Jay is my husband, lover, best friend, cheerleader, biggest fan, confidant, mirror (mentally and physically) and judge. some things may sound fun and some not. but with out knowing boundaries and places for these life things, your life can become chaotic. Labeling people once you hear what they have to say can be a good thing too. Maybe a nice looking guy who flirts will be nice or he's a jerk or arrogant. our labels make us avoid negative people too.
    Also Blame #3- that can be ok if you define it correctly. Like I blamed a dr for not finding a blood clot when it could have been taken care of before it almost took my life. I will never lose that anger or blame for her but I can move on. I can claim my part to a situation while blaming someone else too. maybe it's not exactly blame that I mean, but a form of accountability and responsibility for mine and their actions.
    SO just keep it in mind? maybe?
    I love reading your blogs so thanks for posting em!
    Love you lots and lots!!--Trisha

    1. I love you lots and lots too... it was really just a response to another blog so not my idea but I can see where you are coming from and where the author of that article is coming from as well. I think like you said labels keep us connected to things in life, however I do agree that they can be dangerous and hurtful in the end as well. Blame is something that I think can cause too much anger in a person if they don't know how to let go and move on with their lives. I have seen too many people die in misery due to not being able to accept responsibility for their own problems. Although, like you said, there is a place where it is healthy.

      Don't worry I try not to obsess too much with absolutes... just try to be the best person I can be.

      Thanks for loving and supporting me. Thank you for your comment! Love you sis!