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Monday, December 26, 2011

So... Long time no see.

I didn't even re-read my last blog post. I don't know where to start with this. I think this blog is here to make me fell held accountable. Accountability is REALLY what I need right now.

It is the New Year (well next week it is at least) and with that comes TONS of plans for the coming year. "I am going to .... this year" Resolutions that go unresolved ... and all that jazz. I am good at making resolutions... and not following through. As you have witnessed.

One thing that has changed is I recently joined a 12 step program (overeaters annonymous) which has helped me find that there is a lot of time in the day when you are not spending all of your time in your addicitons. So that's one step of my motivation. Another thing is Ben and I are engaged to be married on October 6th which is 285 days away. That is a REALLY good reason to want to make some changes.

A good friend of mine (MIMI) has been working a CLEAN PRIMAL eating for the last 26 days and it is doing some AWESOME things for her. It is really easy for me, lately, to make excuses about what I put in my body and justify them as "primal enough" ... there is no such thing as "primal enough" the best diet to have is MEAT, VEG and (good)FATS... that is ALL and there is no reason why I should make such a big deal, and so many excuses, about it.

So all of that compiled together... this is a change I want to make. For the betterment of my health, of my year, of my life, of my future, of my wedding, of my everything. I was strict once-I can do it again. Saying no is hard-but paying doctor bills is harder. Not to mention-I have said no EASILY to sweets for 76 days now... That is pretty remarkable for me. This is the beginning of something. I hope it is not just another awesomely motivated post that fizzles.

Thank you for your readership,

Saturday, July 23, 2011

STRONG AND HEALTHY not thin and pretty

Hey there folks,

Long time no post eh? Lack of motivation and energy will do that to ya. However, I am here to tell you it all ends today.

I happened to fall onto an AMAZING ARTICLE about a chick who cares about strength far more than anything else... she eats to be strong, she lives to be strong, and HEY GUESS WHAT? She loves lifting as much as I did!

This article made me realize a few things.

1. I have been making excuses.

Yes they are valid (in my opinion) and very true. Everyone around me (in the situation I am in) is doing the same thing. But when have I ever let the actions and reactions of the people around me gauge my success? NOT OFTEN... so I realize that the excuses I was making, however valid, are going to be invalid very soon (*Keep me in your prayers*) and so therefore-I might as well get a jumpstart on my health and energy before hand, so I don't have to balance too many new things at once. (No matter how good I am at multi tasking)

2. I have been going at this ALL WRONG... for 23 years...

Dr.'s say "Amanda, we feel you need to lose weight because ___________." you can fill in that blank with about anything health-related and I have probably heard it... on SEVERAL occasions.

Mom says "I love you sweetie but I am concerned about your weight/eating habits/health/well being" ... SHE IS MY MOM... That is her right and hell, it is her responsibility... My mom, bless her heart, doesn't really get it. She tries and I love her for trying but she doesn't get it. She has done SO MUCH and worked SO HARD to help me lose weight that it has hurt her heart, and pocket book, and spirit to be quite honest-and no kid wants to be the reason for their parent's pain.

My dad had his way of saying it too... but that isn't an issue...

My ex  said... "...." WHO GIVES A CRAP WHAT HE SAID ANYWAY?!

DO YOU GET THE POINT? what is the common thread? ... yes yes yes... it is other people and that is valid but I wanted to lose weight for myself on several occasions as well (For dating, or for health, or for just happiness overall)

other than that? -- LOSE WEIGHT... that is not really what I want... and quite frankly I don't think it is what I need. I WANT TO BE STRONG. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. I WANT TO BE SEXY. I WANT TO BE UNSTOPPABLE! When I look at people I want to be like... they aren't the soft or fat-skinny people... no no no I WANNA BE LIKE STACI!!! I wanna be strong and toned and happy and healthy. AND I CAN!

3. The effin scale...

You know. I would love to say that all this time I didn't care what the scale said... BUT I DID. I was seriously dependent on it.

Here it is. You can hold me to it... FROM THIS DAY FORTH... I WILL NEVER STEP FOOT ON A SCALE AGAIN!

*Caviat* Until I am the body-shape I want to be... then I am just curious what I will weight.

4. CrossFit

You know I loved it. You all know that. If you have read anything I have written in the last year you know how much Cross Fit meant to me. So when I had to stop going because I could no longer afford it... it was devastating.

But... I could have gone back... for the last 2 weeks I was supposed to go back, but I havent. WHY? 1. money again... I am looking into it too much. 2. I AM SCARED SHITLESS... what are they all going to think? I have reverted FAR BEYOND where I was last time... and I am weaker etc. But seriously? What do I expect? That I can leave something as intense as CF and come back looking BETTER?! It's impossible...

I am going back. But I am focusing on lifting. I can do cardio on my own (CF doesn't have much cardio anyway) with Zumba and other activities. At least 2/3 days I go will be OLY if not more.

5. A sub category to Cross Fit is TRACKING... (as far as lifting is concerned)

I didn't do any formal tracking. I just kinda wrote down my weights and that was that. I wasn't there long enough to really get an average or anything or recognize a lot of improvement in myself. So this time... I am going to more formally and more personally track my lifting... It is IMPORTANT to me... and I want results... if I track I can get those results. FAST.

That is pretty much it... those are the 5 major contributors to my failing as of the last 9 months.

If you haven't noticed I am almost the same size I was in August of 2009 when I had only lost 30 lbs... I am not where I was last year at this time by any means, but that does not mean that I am not able to get there-and get further.

I have to eliminate some of the stressors in my life-and I am working on that.

I am also working on looking into spirituality more intently. Which-isnt very hard for me I just had sort of lost sight of it.

Financially I am doing ALRIGHT. Ben and I are working together on this and I think it is going well... It is nice to know that I am technically paying ON everything... and no matter how long it takes-things will be paid off eventually. :)

I want to be strong and I want to be healthy.

When I look at pictures of when Ben proposes to me (HAHA) I want to be proud of who I was at that time.

When it comes time to make my wedding dress (Yeah what? Future much? I know i know...) I want to be happy with what I look like.

When I am pregnant I want to lift... OH GOD DO I WANT TO!

When I am pregnant I want to LOOK pregnant... not just look like a fat lady who might be pregnant.

When I am a mom I want people to guess how old I am and be wrong.

and most importantly ... I want to feel unstoppable again.


1. I am planking once every morning and every night and keeping track of my times.
2. I am eating primal. For real. No crap allowed... no fake foods... no un-natural carbs... nothing that should not be in my body will enter my body. Now... once in a while will I have something... sure... something small and meaningless... But... overall I want to live like I preach not be a hypocrite.
3. Back to CF when I get back from my trip (Doesn't make sense to join and then leave... esp when I need that 100 bucks for my hotel room since I wont be... oh never mind... ) Mostly lifting (2/3 times/week)
4. Smile... be happy... keep positive...
5. Work on my spirit, intuition, and healing.
6. Be proud of who I am and what I do.
7. Don't even look in the direction of a scale until I am the size I feel I want to be.
8. GET STRONG-but not like a body builder.
9. Do things that matter (Volunteering, music videos, writing, etc)
10. Ask for help when I need it.

I guess that is it. For now, until I add more.

How many lists did I have in this post?! HAHA ... oh well

I hope you enjoyed the read. I mostly wrote it therapeutically... and for a reference point.

I am keeping track of everything in "excel" so I will post as I go.


OFFICIAL BEFORE PICTURES: (yes I know... I have regressed)

Thanks for reading, and for your support! <3


Saturday, April 30, 2011

New developments in love

Twelve months ago right now I was more excited than ever about my upcoming graduation from college, my successful life as a primal chick, and my job doing what I loved. My thoughts of men at the time were really few and far between. I knew I would be moving into my own place on June 1st and starting my job on June 7th. My hopes were that I would be moving out of my apartment in a year or less to move to a different state for work, namely Colorado.

Flash forward 11 months... and I am moving out. I was right! However, I was OH SO WRONG. About 14 months ago I told a fellow interpreter that I am NOT a fan of South Dakota and will NOT be sticking around. She said "oh just wait until the moment that you meet the right man and realise that South Dakota isn't so bad after all." I laughed at her comment and shrugged it off. "No man is worth living HERE for... and as far as I am concerned the men in South Dakota aren't that special."

Today I moved in with Ben. Ben... Is someone special. I didn't move across the country or even across town... I moved across the hall. But this cozy two bedroom apartment is just what we need and I see a bright and beautiful future in our midst. Now? South Dakota isn't so bad. As a matter of fact, I love it! My need to get out that has been aching in me for the 8 years I have lived here, GONE. I love it, it is home, and I am not kidding or settling or saying "well, i can deal with it i guess..." Nope, completely changed my mind, maybe I wasn't looking in the right places. Maybe I was holding other states (Colorado) to higher standards-not to say Colorado doesn't deserve the praise.

Do you remember the list? this man-He  IS the list... he is the list and everything in between. Forget a 65% or an 82% or even a 99%... he is at least 112% if not better... Perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT... Perfect for me? MOST DEFINITELY.

Thanks for reading. Give someone a hug and kiss tonight.

Manda <3

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Set up to fail?

So I am wondering if by over planning and over doing things I am perpetually setting myself up to fail?

This is possible. Especially since I have been known to do it in the past. So what I have done instead of committing myself to too much (Like you see in the previous posts on this blog) is just start from the beginning from step one.

The first step I took a year ago to get myself clean and healthy was to read the Primal Blueprint and to enjoy living my life every day through those thoughts, words, and laws. The primal blueprint is not an end all be all for me nor is it the "bible". It is what works for me and I don't expect anyone to heed or agree to what I want just because of this blog and because it is what I say is right. I encourage everyone to do their own research and find what works best for them.

On that note-PB is what works best for me. It makes sense, it isn't hard to do, and it is pretty rewarding in a myriad of ways.

I have begun to re-read the book The Primal Blueprint. I will post, when I can and want to, about what it is doing for me.

Today it did a lot. I was talking to Ben and mentioned that the first time I read the book it was like the book was educating me and introducing me to new ideas and concepts which I just devoured. This time it is like Mark himself is telling me "Manda, it's ok you slipped, we all do. We are humans. Just keep in mind that we have reasons for doing those things and we have reasons for being Primal. Be primal, love it and live it. Stop THINKING about what you want and start just DOING and BEING what you want."

He is right. I can do this because 1. I have done it before and 2. it is well worth the effort it takes.

I am quite ready for the time in the future when Ben and I are living together and hopefully we will have a regular eating pattern of some kind. Just excited about the idea of eating delicious food more often.

Anyway-that is all I have to say for now. Good night and thank you for your support through all my ups and downs. I'm human.


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Primal Tuesdays

Today is not the best example of what is to come on Primal Tuesdays...

However here is an idea of what I would like to do:

I will talk about the laws and what they mean to me.

I will share my most recent food choices and such

I will share my measurements and progress (every 2 weeks)

I will answer any questions-if there are any.

That is all for tonight, unfortunately. I am not the picture of primalism today... It was a different kind of day today.

Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow!
PS--this is my goal result... now that everyone knows-start visualizing this with my face... thanks :)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Money Mondays

This week I am just going to give you a brief overview of what Money Mondays may look like...

I am re-exploring the idea of Dave Ramsey's The Total Money Make-Over as well as Financial Peace. I will be explaining the steps a person can take to get out of debt and make themselves free from slavery to money. Money is energy-money is a thing-money doesn't control us.

I will also eventually look for fun deals or ideas for saving money-if I can find some. I might have to tap into my frugal friends to share some of their ideas.

Lastly I will ask questions, rhetorical? Maybe, but you can always feel free to respond.

Today's question:

On a scale of 1-10 how much do you feel money controls your decisions in life? (1 being Never 5 being Neutral and 10 being every step you take?)

Have a beautiful and blissful day,


Sunday, March 27, 2011

My life-Like no one else-Reborn.

Hello all. If you are still there, I am still here.

I would like to tell you that I have a plan to come back to this again.

Here is the plan:

I will be making regular updates following this sort of outline

Money Mondays
Primal Tuesdays
Deaf/Interpreter Awareness Wednesdays
Successful Thursdays
Grateful Sundays

I skipped Friday and Saturday because-let's face it-I won't want to post on those days anyway.

Plan is to come on and tell you how I am doing in the areas of my life I outlined earlier. As I go through you will get updates on where I have been and what I have been doing the last... what? 6 ish months? And I will take on living the life I want to every single day.

For today, I won't post anything too long for the sake of time and sleep. However, I do want to post one thing.

Dear Body,
Thank you for putting up with what I have put you through the last few months. I know that quitting crossfit was the beginning of something difficult for us and it has not been an easy journey. Yes, I have been happy. Yes I have been grateful. But I have not treated you with the kindness I was. I promise you I will not let go again, not this bad and not for this long.

I am jumping back into primal life starting NOW and promise to live as close to the 80/20 lifestyle as humanly possible. Ben has agreed to help with this by being primal himself again, and going grocery shopping with me on the weekends so I can't keep avoiding it. I am a beautiful, sexy, gorgeous woman who has a lot to live for-thank you for being patient with me while I had my fun. It is time to start living the way I want to live-and being who I want to be 100% of the time.

Dear Ice Cream,

I will see you in June, and July and August-chances are we might even have our fun in September. I will let you back once  or twice/month as necessary but as you and I both know-it is a slippery slope when we start hanging out too much.

Dear Mexican Food,

I promise Ben and I will work diligently to come up with some kick-ass mexican menus that are primal... we couldn't live without it.

Dear Friends and Family,

Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, thanks for loving me for who I am. Primal Friends especially thank you for being so patient and knowing I would be back soon.

I am back ... and ready for action.

See you tomorrow on Money Monday!

In Peace and Gratitude,