Hey there folks,
Long time no post eh? Lack of motivation and energy will do that to ya. However, I am here to tell you it all ends today.
I happened to fall onto an AMAZING ARTICLE about a chick who cares about strength far more than anything else... she eats to be strong, she lives to be strong, and HEY GUESS WHAT? She loves lifting as much as I did!
This article made me realize a few things.
1. I have been making excuses.
Yes they are valid (in my opinion) and very true. Everyone around me (in the situation I am in) is doing the same thing. But when have I ever let the actions and reactions of the people around me gauge my success? NOT OFTEN... so I realize that the excuses I was making, however valid, are going to be invalid very soon (*Keep me in your prayers*) and so therefore-I might as well get a jumpstart on my health and energy before hand, so I don't have to balance too many new things at once. (No matter how good I am at multi tasking)
2. I have been going at this ALL WRONG... for 23 years...
Dr.'s say "Amanda, we feel you need to lose weight because ___________." you can fill in that blank with about anything health-related and I have probably heard it... on SEVERAL occasions.
Mom says "I love you sweetie but I am concerned about your weight/eating habits/health/well being" ... SHE IS MY MOM... That is her right and hell, it is her responsibility... My mom, bless her heart, doesn't really get it. She tries and I love her for trying but she doesn't get it. She has done SO MUCH and worked SO HARD to help me lose weight that it has hurt her heart, and pocket book, and spirit to be quite honest-and no kid wants to be the reason for their parent's pain.
My dad had his way of saying it too... but that isn't an issue...
My ex said... "...." WHO GIVES A CRAP WHAT HE SAID ANYWAY?!
DO YOU GET THE POINT? what is the common thread? ... yes yes yes... it is other people and that is valid but I wanted to lose weight for myself on several occasions as well (For dating, or for health, or for just happiness overall)
other than that? -- LOSE WEIGHT... that is not really what I want... and quite frankly I don't think it is what I need. I WANT TO BE STRONG. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY. I WANT TO BE SEXY. I WANT TO BE UNSTOPPABLE! When I look at people I want to be like... they aren't the soft or fat-skinny people... no no no I WANNA BE LIKE STACI!!! I wanna be strong and toned and happy and healthy. AND I CAN!
3. The effin scale...
You know. I would love to say that all this time I didn't care what the scale said... BUT I DID. I was seriously dependent on it.
Here it is. You can hold me to it... FROM THIS DAY FORTH... I WILL NEVER STEP FOOT ON A SCALE AGAIN!
*Caviat* Until I am the body-shape I want to be... then I am just curious what I will weight.
You know I loved it. You all know that. If you have read anything I have written in the last year you know how much Cross Fit meant to me. So when I had to stop going because I could no longer afford it... it was devastating.
But... I could have gone back... for the last 2 weeks I was supposed to go back, but I havent. WHY? 1. money again... I am looking into it too much. 2. I AM SCARED SHITLESS... what are they all going to think? I have reverted FAR BEYOND where I was last time... and I am weaker etc. But seriously? What do I expect? That I can leave something as intense as CF and come back looking BETTER?! It's impossible...
I am going back. But I am focusing on lifting. I can do cardio on my own (CF doesn't have much cardio anyway) with Zumba and other activities. At least 2/3 days I go will be OLY if not more.
5. A sub category to Cross Fit is TRACKING... (as far as lifting is concerned)
I didn't do any formal tracking. I just kinda wrote down my weights and that was that. I wasn't there long enough to really get an average or anything or recognize a lot of improvement in myself. So this time... I am going to more formally and more personally track my lifting... It is IMPORTANT to me... and I want results... if I track I can get those results. FAST.
That is pretty much it... those are the 5 major contributors to my failing as of the last 9 months.
If you haven't noticed I am almost the same size I was in August of 2009 when I had only lost 30 lbs... I am not where I was last year at this time by any means, but that does not mean that I am not able to get there-and get further.
I have to eliminate some of the stressors in my life-and I am working on that.
I am also working on looking into spirituality more intently. Which-isnt very hard for me I just had sort of lost sight of it.
Financially I am doing ALRIGHT. Ben and I are working together on this and I think it is going well... It is nice to know that I am technically paying ON everything... and no matter how long it takes-things will be paid off eventually. :)
I want to be strong and I want to be healthy.
When I look at pictures of when Ben proposes to me (HAHA) I want to be proud of who I was at that time.
When it comes time to make my wedding dress (Yeah what? Future much? I know i know...) I want to be happy with what I look like.
When I am pregnant I want to lift... OH GOD DO I WANT TO!
When I am pregnant I want to LOOK pregnant... not just look like a fat lady who might be pregnant.
When I am a mom I want people to guess how old I am and be wrong.
and most importantly ... I want to feel unstoppable again.
SO WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT!?
1. I am planking once every morning and every night and keeping track of my times.
2. I am eating primal. For real. No crap allowed... no fake foods... no un-natural carbs... nothing that should not be in my body will enter my body. Now... once in a while will I have something... sure... something small and meaningless... But... overall I want to live like I preach not be a hypocrite.
3. Back to CF when I get back from my trip (Doesn't make sense to join and then leave... esp when I need that 100 bucks for my hotel room since I wont be... oh never mind... ) Mostly lifting (2/3 times/week)
4. Smile... be happy... keep positive...
5. Work on my spirit, intuition, and healing.
6. Be proud of who I am and what I do.
7. Don't even look in the direction of a scale until I am the size I feel I want to be.
8. GET STRONG-but not like a body builder.
9. Do things that matter (Volunteering, music videos, writing, etc)
10. Ask for help when I need it.
I guess that is it. For now, until I add more.
How many lists did I have in this post?! HAHA ... oh well
I hope you enjoyed the read. I mostly wrote it therapeutically... and for a reference point.
I am keeping track of everything in "excel" so I will post as I go.
HERE WE GO!
OFFICIAL BEFORE PICTURES: (yes I know... I have regressed)
Thanks for reading, and for your support! <3