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Friday, May 18, 2012

'Manda's Musings-The Next Step to a Beautiful Me

I wish I could show you, When you are lonely or in darkness, The astonishing light of your own being. ~Hafiz

I think... I am done with spending all my time telling people they are wrong about me.

I think that I have spent too much time trying to be my own version of humble... that I have lost good time in loving myself to the fullest.

I think that I have established new goals for myself... in relation to this beautiful quote.

I kind of stumbled upon a fellow Paleo Eating Disordered Blogger-Paleo Pepper. She has an astonishing outlook on life... and she is motivated to change the way women think of themselves... and I have decided to help her. How do you eat an elephant? one bite at a time? How do you change woman's self esteem? ONE WOMAN AT A TIME! :)

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It's not.  ~Dr. Seuss
Pepper helped me realize how important I really am. She reminded me that even though it seems I haven't done much (at least to me) I have made huge strides in my health and in my future. I have nothing to do but be grateful for how far I have come. I can not expect to feel better about myself, if I don't start feeling better about myself. I can't beat myself up for making mistakes, what I can do, though, is laugh them off and keep going.

Now it is time for me to stop being so "humble" and start getting real. I am gorgeous. I have a beautiful soul. I have an incredible body. I have a lot of strength; Physical, emotional and spiritual. I am supportive and loving of all people around me. I am fun to be around. I am a hard worker, and I give back to my community and anywhere I can. I am creative, smart, inventive, talented, energetic, and kind.

The list is longer than this, but I don't have all the time in the world. I am mostly repeating what others have said about me, and embracing  it as truth. I am all of these things and more. And I am finally ready to accept it, be grateful, and love myself.

Having a low opinion of yourself is not "modesty". It's self-destruction. Holding your uniqueness in high regard is not "egotism". It's a necessary precondition to happiness and success. ~Bobbe Sommer

So what does this all mean? I am going to try to love myself more... yes. I am going to hope that this will reflect well on others and they, too can love themselves... yes. I am going to work toward new goals in my health and life... yes, kinda.

For the immediate future, this means that I am not going to be pounding the pavement trying to work myself to the bone to get into a wedding dress that I think is an acceptable size. I am dropping my expectations for weight loss and size loss. Instead I am focusing on gains. On happiness and acceptance. On loving myself exactly as I am. And on continuing to do what I know to be right for my body. Eating things that give me energy, avoiding things that do not. But not beating myself over anything, ever. I will love myself relentlessly, endlessly.

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can; all of them make me laugh.”
W.H. Auden

And in final hopes that I am one you love, who can make you laugh... here is a video I can not get enough of:

Ben said "THAT IS TOTALLY YOU IN CHILD FORM!" I have to agree with him... it is SOOOO GOOD! (In my best Essex accent!)

Love you all so much, thank you of course for loving me too!



  1. You are right. You have to be very proud of who you are! Pride is not evil, excessive pride is, but I've found very few women who come close to excessive pride. Egotism isn't being proud of who you are and holding a strong self image, but rather it's believing that your strong self image entitles you to put someone else down, or to flaunt how important or worthy you are. Humility requires a strong self image. It is an easy thing to appear humble when you aren't proud of yourself. True humility is saying to yourself "I'm better than all of these people think I am, and I'm worth so much more than they will ever know" and then going in among those people and telling them how much their worth. I do this every day and people notice, but it took me a long time to get there. I'm proud of you for also reaching that point where you understand that you define your own worth, and humility is avoiding flaunting it *TOO* much.

    1. THAT IS GREAT! That is exactly right! :) I think that so many times we feel like we are being humble or better as a person by not accepting compliments or feeling pride in ourselves. I think it is just a part of trying to be a good person, based on what we are taught and see.

      Not to mention how hard it is to feel pride in yourself when everyone is unique and society tries to tell us is beautiful. Even though I have heard from countless people how beautiful I am inside and out... I have a hard time accepting it because the world around me makes me think I need to be something I am not, and should not be.

      Thanks for your comment Brian. Love you tons!

  2. I love you, Woman <3

    I'll take on this challenge. I'll join the mission!

    For some time I lamented that I am no longer the 125 skinny girl I used to be. I'm holding steady at 160 now, and my body has more jiggle, but it seems to be happy here, skinny fat and all.

    Tomorrow I'm getting rid of all the too-small jeans. All the size 6, 8, and even 10's that don't fit. They don't make me feel pretty. They make me hate myself. They make me obsess and want to force myself to be smaller, and for what? What gratification do I have in wearing smaller jeans, besides to say I wear smaller jeans?

    You inspire me. <3 Let's do this. Let's change the world!

    1. AWWWWW DR!!!! I love you too!

      What a coniscidence because you totally inspire me too! We can do this together, just one woman (and man too... sometimes) at a time is all it takes, and I am absolutely motivated to be a part of the revolution (and by that I mean, re evolution not revolt).

      The key is to nip negative thoughts in the bud. And to realize you are the way you are, exactly as you are intended to be by the universe and the powers that be have worked it out -- or something.

      Mostly, keep good thoughts/words in your vocabulary and rid yourself of the others. Focus on GAINS not on losses... And when all else fails, trust that the people around you have more insight into the truth of you than you do. For some reason we have an emotionally based filter on ourselves like we are looking onto a mirror that is distorted... the only people who can be trusted are those who love you for who you are.

      Idk where all if this is coming from, I just feel really inspired, enlightened and just supremely happy.

      love you a whole lot!