Search This Blog

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

255/366 Thought I would check in through the maddness!

Hey there guys,

I hope I haven't completely lost you all!

I am just checking in mid-madness... I am hoping that one day in the next few months my life will get back to normal(ish). Or at least to where it was before ;)

As I am sure most of you have guessed I have been spending most, if not all, of my time on WEDDING STUFF... There is so much awesome I can't even tell ya!

Pictures of my dress and some of the other things we have been working on are available on my Facebook page...

It is going to be the most beautiful wedding ever I think. I have to be honest, My mother in law has done almost ALL the work for the decorations, and the dress etc... THANK GODS she has the same taste as me when it comes to pretty much everything :) She loves the fall as much as I do (if not more) so this has been really fun for both of us (and a bonding experience).

My father in law is doing his part as well--I really feel like even though it has been a bit stressful in ways, living with them has been REALLY GREAT for our relationship with each other. I don't know many in laws who get along quite the way we do :)

Then there is the whole HOSTING THE WHOLE THING which my mom is so graciously doing... Her work is really going to come in the next couple weeks and get really intense starting on the first... Luckily my MOH, and my mom's best friend will both be in town to help us most of that week! <3

The last several months have been financially trying for us. I am so amazed by how blessed we were to have moved in with Ben's parents right when the crap hit the fan for us... I don't know what we would have done with 700/mo for rent on top of everything else. Saving for a wedding/spending for a wedding would have been a lot harder too. Both my mom and Ben's parents have done so much for us in that regard--I really can't be thankful enough at this point.

There are a lot of things I can't wait for... and by can't wait I mean "will wait as patiently as I can but really wish they would happen sooner" for... ;)

1. Having our own kitchen again... I really really miss cooking with my sweetie. Doing all the things we did together. Having our kitchen all done up the way we want. Especially as time goes on and bridal showers happen--I keep thinking of things I want to add to our kitchen, that we don't have (yet).

2. Having a home. I am very set on not buying a house until we are SURE that we are going to stay in that state (at least for a long while), have some financial security, and are definitely capable of FIXING it ... if something were to break... But a home a house does not make... what I am ready for is having a place to call home for longer than a year (I have talked about this before) there are some cute town houses we have looked at, and some apartments as well. Really I am just ready to feel kind of settled in to a place for a good while...

3. The wedding rush/stress to subside. I know that it is worth it and I am so excited and dont want to rush it away but... I miss my regular day to day life--my hobbies and my spare time and activities... Like choir, crossfit, socializing LOL

4... yeah.. tick tock tick tock... I hate to admit it but that stupid clock is going off like crazy. I am going to try to hit the snooze button as much as I can for the next 3 to 5 years--wish me luck ;)

So... the last thing I kinda wanna get off my chest is the nightmares I have been having. Pre-wedding jitters probably but I have had a lot of very violent flashbacks to times with my ex husband... before and during our wedding and marriage... I know it is probably something I am just working through emotionally. I am so grateful to have the love and support of Ben through it all... he has always been so understanding of my recovery form an abusive situation, and I can't be more blessed.

Thank you all for reading. I love you all so much. I hope your summer went well and you are ready for the best season of all! :) <3



  1. You are awesome! You are one of the strongest women I know, and you are going to be not just fine, but amazing. The world is just waiting for you to take it, and Ben is the groom you have always deserved!

    1. Thanks my dear friend, you are always so close to my heart. I trust your judgement of me because you are a GREAT judge of character! Can't wait for you and your beautiful wife to share that special day with us! <3

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Man, there was so much in that! I'm proud of you! There is so much stress a wedding can bring on a nagging voice in the back of your mind that gets to scream while you're sleeping is stressful too. Other than talking to Ben, try journaling it. not publicly but a hand written one by the bed. It helped me get through stuff. I have a deal with myself "to let go and let god" deal with it or whatever. I also try not to reread those bad times and bad dreams I regurgitated on a page. that's how I let go. but you are different and it's just a suggestion. since we'll be sisters til "death do us part" I'm always here. I'm terrible at email responding but calling or texting I'm brilliant at. I miss you and I love you! We'll chat more later!
    don't for get to stay present!

    1. OMIGOSH I love you! <3 Thanks for being a great sister in law, regardless of if I can contact you via email or not ;) You and Jay are excellent people and I am just so grateful to have you in my life... if only i could cut out the middle of the country and put Louisville and SF next to each other... so we could have coffee talks and be besties ;)

      Love you sis!Thanks for all your support!

  4. I am so proud of and happy for you, Manda. You're doing all of this so right. I can't wait to watch your newly entwined lives develop.

    <3 <3 <3

    1. AWWWW thanks Stef! You are super awesome! :) I can't wait to experience the entwining of our lives :D Thanks for being such an incredible friend, the day we finally get to hang out will be epic! :)